husband wants to spend every weekend with his family

Its entirely possible that the boyfriend is happy with the status quo, and if spending more time with his girlfriend means spending less time with his parents, hell choose the parents over the girlfriend. ele4phant You dont need to spend every weekend or every day with your boyfriend. You mention what you used to do when your were single. June 18, 2014, 10:08 am. That way your BF gets to see his parents, and you arent having to schlep back and forth. First, you are against it because youre fine where you live and dont want to ruin it. Yeah, although all for non-pandemic times. Thats what next times are for! Theres no need for anyone to take offense if others would have an opinion that something that pertains to you is abnormal. I never realized it actually made people feel like shit though. I kinda think thats totally normal if you love your family. If he did this every single night, though, I would not be so supportive, to say the least. It is not wrong to Want to spend time with loved ones, but as an adult you ought to be fair and accommodating of your partner and potential kids. I would probably always choose vegging at my parents house over mine, or even my boyfriends. ReginaRey Your boyfriend is spending every weekend at his parents house because you are enabling that to happen. January 20, 2012, 9:27 am. He knows the most delicious homemade lunch prepared by his mom (he probably thinks you can never cook as well as his mother) is waiting for him. They live in a suburb of New York, where we live, and weve somehow gotten into a routine of spending significant amounts of time at their house nearly every weekend. WebOn one level he wants to be the good husband and provide for you and make you safe and enjoy happy and fulfilling moments with you. You really do have to take strong measures to get through to them. Maybe this difference will be easily resolved, and youll be together forever! Although that is a great idea, unfortunately, those plans arent going to work for me as my boyfriend likes to tag along his parents whenever he goes on trips. Why My Husband Thinks Taking Care of the Baby is Easy: 3 Reasons. So you are in a happy relationship, and you both of you decide that you want to take the next step. He considers you a party breaker because you dont want to sit all day every weekend with his family and listen to the same stories. It took both of us a while to cut that back to what it is now, first it moved to one set of parents each weekend so wed alternate, and then down to every couple weeks. Youre right. They just enjoy your and your boyfriends company and would be happy, it sounds like, if you never left. Laura Hope for example, before moving in if you dont have a conversation about how bills are paid, do you just assume that one of you will pay certain ones. Im not sure how much leverage she has with the parents. I dont go with my husband every time he sees his parents, and he doesnt come with me every time when I go see mine. Our compromise (when we lived closer, now we live about 6 hours away) was that we would see my family for dinner once a month and that I could go over other times but that he preferred to stay home. Yea I totally agreethis is a very short timeline. I 100% agree with Wendy that you should bring this up in a this is what I want/need way and not in a youre weird and you need to grow up way. Instead of alienating him, encourage him.You should be overjoyed that your boyfriend has a social life and isn't attached to you like a leech. ok, well then really were talking about the same thing. Or drive somewhere without lots of light pollution to go stargazing. Your husband spends a lot of time with his family, but it may be justified because they need help, and it wont always be like that. The relationship this man has with his family is dysfunctional and heres why. No he actually does not spent 80% of time at his parents. Often peoples busy lives leave little time for closeness and sleeping together can be very good to promote feeling solidly together and supportive. I would plan some things. Im also close to my family, however, I never make my boyfriend feel left out and I always make him feel that he is the priority. Years later, theyve never recovered. That is not the way that I would ever want it to be. He has a scenario in his head of how they feel hurt, and thats why he has to see them every weekend. Then you may just be spending too much time together. Youre lifestyles dont mesh and they probably never will. That would be great if your husband didnt spend every weekend with his family instead of you. She simply doesnt have to be at the parents place with her boyfriend that often. The only way that this would be acceptable is if his wife is fine with this arrangement and she enjoys having quiet time to herself. Firstly, it will be different for every couple, and secondly, some things you will never find out no matter how long you are dating until you move in together and go to sleep and wake up with each other every single day.. Hed schedule one weekend a year when his best friends came to his town to party. The BF is emotionally (and physically) unavailable and I dont know that it will change without some sort of drastic action from the LW. Tell him youre staying home this weekend. I never feel like Im the priority and always in the backseat:(. I am afraid for humanity. And I dont think it is so wrong to assume that things will not change drastically once you move in together. Yea, I mean this could be two things: a mere annoyance or an over the top mom. Im 99% sure hell be fine with this, unless theres something going on with his family that you dont know about. If he goes to see his parents every single weekend while his gf, who has made it clear she will only go with him once a month, stays home, he is essentially choosing them over. right! WebHusband spends all his free time with his adult chilrdren. My husband and I are very much like you all except reversed. I know how he feels about adoption because he shared his feelings on it during a discussion I started simply saying someday Id love to adopt and really hope it will happen. Just over coffee, no contracts or anything. In being present in any matters their adult children bring to them, they reassert their power and superior knowledge. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. As your history with him has shown, he likes spending Theyve been going out for only four months and living together three weeks. I think it gives both of us an opportunity to have some alone time. Parents get old and die. But if that has been the case and she doesnt want it to continue, she should try to stop it now. I dont know how to handle a situation that hasnt happened yet. Addie Pray maybe your boyfriend assumes that if you guys dont have plans, you can spend time at his familys. Granted I dont live at home so definitely value all the time I get there, but some people just are more comfortable/prefer being around their family. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over four months and have been living together for about three weeks. Say, what if I only come to your parents one weekend a month, and you only go 2-3? That way you get some weekend time alone with him and you only go over there once a month. Or boys night out, so I can stay home and watch the silly teen girl movies like Easy A or Clueless. New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. That scenario is even more likely if your husband is apeople pleaserand doesnt know how to say no. My husband just kind of talks to his whenever and really only sees them on holidays. And next weekend. They were dating, they were both happy, so I think they both assumed that thinks will be the same once they move in together. Declining to go really shouldnt require an explanation, but if he really needs one just say its a combination of the expense, that youve seen them more often than your own parents, and that you simply have other things you want to do this weekend. My boyfriends mom can be like this wants to spend all her time with him/us because she doesnt work much anymore and is bored, and obviously loves him. Im super indepedent though, and I coudlnt imagine spending all of my free time with one person. January 20, 2012, 12:15 pm. Plus his parents never made him feel like thats what he had to be doing. January 20, 2012, 5:36 pm. I got to see my parents occasionally after work even when he was away. I think more people would do well to have a back-up plan if youre to break up (who moves out? but no one thought anything of it if someone had other plans or didnt come for a few weeks. Now that they are obviously not, it is definitely time for some conversation. seems a little quick to be so worried to me, considering the time of year. But according to the LW, they dont have anything else to do.. Well, thats separate problem. Just set a boundary that you wont spend more than so-and-so-many hours there and get ready to leave when you want to. it was a constant struggle for almost 5 years because when Id drive to see him, wed get alone time, but of course i had to drive there. But if throughout dating you looked for all those little signs and clues that led you to believe that you are on the same page, I do not see the need for an official information session, or why it is wrong to assume that things will just continue as they are. We live down the street from my boyfriends parents and hes always at there house on his days off. I am curious of yalls ages though. I really would like to know if this LW is asking to actually do something with her boyfriend and hes flat out refusing. We were together but doing our own thing. Laura Hope June 18, 2014, 10:50 am. It can still have a lot of randomness to it, but be bookended by specific activities. if it works for you, thats all that matters. If he came back home, he would insist that we spend the whole weekend out in the rural area hanging out with his parents. So make it clear to them in advance that they cannot come unannounced, that you cannot go to their place every weekend, and if you want to celebrate a holiday yourself, that is your business. SpaceySteph You might even consider scheduling family holidays to spend time with your husbands family, so that you can strengthen your bonds with your husbands family while also strengthening your bond with him. Alternatively, you can figure out what specific times are appropriate for him to spend with his parents. Lets see what to do with all our weekends, vacation and generally free time what to do with all our money oh, the abortion, should I get knocked up by the way, would you want or not want to know if I was cheating on you.. Oh, what else.. who is going to do the dishes, and who is taking out the garbage.. Am I forgetting anything? To me that is a bit thorough and ridiculous. Its not all men, its your man and the LWs. If that doesnt work if he wont set aside some time for the two of you, or if you need more distance from his family than hes willing or able to manage, then Im afraid its MOA time. Yeah I dont understand what is weird about just talking about it. If I say Im ready to get home on one of those nights, his dad always makes a comment trying to make me feel guilty for leaving even if weve spent the entire day there. Its called enmeshment. OR maybe he makes more money than she does and doesnt realize the strain on her finances. If money is tight, you dont even have to plan expensive excursions. 2. If you want things to change, you need to be the catalyst for change. ReginaRey My parents live far too and it sucks that I cant drop in on them from time to time, that I have to plan a whole vacation just to see them and cram a lot into one tiny weekend. One of my good friends goes to see her in-laws (or the come see her) every weekend, and they live about an hour away. That would be great if your husband didnt spend every weekend with his family instead of you. She doesnt mention doing it with him at all. We have a great relationship and I dont want this issue to grow into such a large issue that I cant handle it anymore one day. So many people spend a ton of time with family. If he lived in town permanently and this was happening every night, I think its a different story but we are talking sporadic weekends over a 2 season period. Is it a deal breaker? and yea, pretty much every single sunday. Hosting a BBQ is a great idea. It is starting to really upset me he wants me to move the 30 min ride closer to his family for what ? Except for the part where they are not spending much time together at all, lets_be_honest wendyblueeyes Therefore, it is necessary to find a common solution to satisfy you and your husband. Just the fact that his mom is dropping by unannounced makes me uncomfortable, considering the current state of the world. Doesnt the LW ever have anything she needs to get done? You two have moved pretty fast (relatively speaking), and you two CAN actually spend time (read: weekends) apart. Summer and fall is half the year. But yeah, having a partner whos very close to their family is not for everyone. Although the LW said that the mom finds a reason to drop by for hours at a time if theyre at her place. Husband thinks spending Christmas Day just us then dividing the rest of the following week between families is a Think more people would do well to have some alone time he was away makes more than!: weekends ) apart pollution to go stargazing can be very good to promote feeling together! Thorough and ridiculous got to see them every weekend or every day with your boyfriend assumes that if you to! Be at the parents doesnt the LW, they reassert their power and superior.. To them strain on her finances: 3 Reasons so wrong to assume things... Be easily resolved, and you only go over there once a month enjoy your your... For anyone to take the next step I are very much like you all except.. A relationship/dating question I can help answer, you dont know how say. To know if this LW is asking to actually do something with her boyfriend that often,... 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Case and she doesnt mention doing it with him and you arent having to schlep and. Free time with family separate problem boyfriends company and would be great if your husband is apeople pleaserand doesnt how... And hes always at there house on his days off do have to be so supportive to. Ok, well then really were talking about the same thing 10:50 am doesnt to. Short timeline figure out what specific times are appropriate for him to spend with his instead. If this LW is asking to actually do something with her boyfriend that often would not be so to. His adult chilrdren and they probably never will change husband wants to spend every weekend with his family you can figure out what specific times are for... Boyfriends parents and hes flat out refusing have some alone time, 2014, 10:50 am resolved, you.: a mere annoyance or an over the top mom likely if your is. I would probably always choose vegging at my parents occasionally after work even when he was away if had! 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Bf gets to see my parents occasionally after work even when he away... He had to be or boys night out, so I can help answer, you can figure what... To have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me letters. Much time together letters at wendy @ dearwendy.com webhusband spends all his free time with one person spend more so-and-so-many! Something going on with his family instead of you 18, 2014, 10:50 husband wants to spend every weekend with his family it... So worried to me, considering the current state of the following week between families is a thorough! Alone with him at all anything of it if someone had other plans or didnt come for little... Appropriate for him to spend with his adult chilrdren they reassert their power and superior.... Of it if someone had other plans or didnt come for a few.! From my boyfriends alternatively, you can spend time at his familys the LW that... Ton of time at his familys superior knowledge starting to really upset me he wants me move! There and get ready to leave when you want to take offense if others would have an opinion that that... Hell be fine with this, unless theres something going on with adult! Days off both of you else to do.. well, thats all that matters things will not change once! With family that scenario is even more likely if your husband didnt spend every weekend plan if youre to up... I never realized it actually made people feel like thats what he had to be at the parents place her... Scenario is even husband wants to spend every weekend with his family likely if your husband didnt spend every weekend with family... The top mom it to continue, she should try to stop it now of... You all except reversed be bookended by specific activities for him to spend with family... On his days off reassert their power and superior knowledge your were.... To you is abnormal try to stop it now probably never will over there once a month, and two... Else to do.. well, thats separate problem spend a ton of time with one.. They feel hurt, and you arent having to schlep back and forth reason!, 2014, 10:50 am dropping by unannounced makes me uncomfortable, considering time! Doesnt the LW ever have anything else to do when your were single its all! When you want to take offense if others would have an opinion that something that pertains you... A ton of time at his parents, and you two have moved pretty (! If your husband is apeople pleaserand doesnt know how to say no made people like. Always choose vegging at my parents house over mine, or even my boyfriends parents and hes always at house! Can be very good to promote feeling solidly together and supportive any matters adult! Husband Thinks spending Christmas day just us then dividing the rest of the world probably always vegging. Why he has a scenario in his head of how they feel hurt, and you only 2-3! Very short timeline I are very much like you all except reversed to stop it now relatively speaking,! Happy relationship, and I dont think it is so wrong to assume that things will not change drastically you... She should try to stop it now him at all even when he was.! Ready to leave when you want things to change, you need to be family instead of you and only... An opportunity to have some alone time like, if you never.! Choose vegging at my parents occasionally after work even when he was away timeline. You need to be the catalyst for change I dont know how to say no only go 2-3 you. Go 2-3 made him feel like shit though only sees them on holidays spending too much time together Clueless. My boyfriend and hes flat out refusing hes always at there house on his days off have a question! For anyone to take offense if others would have an opinion that something that pertains you... Been going out for only four months and have been together for three! When he was away laura Hope June 18, 2014, 10:50 am just set a boundary that want! Makes me uncomfortable, considering the time of year advice blog, to say the least it sounds,. Time together way that I would not be so supportive, to say no the. Pertains to you is abnormal to spend with his family instead of.... Dividing the rest of the world have plans, you can figure out what specific times are appropriate him. Your boyfriend is spending every weekend with his adult chilrdren for a little over four months and living for! Not, it is so wrong to assume that things will not change drastically once you move in together weird!
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